8 Christmas Truths: #2 & #1

8 Christmas Truths: #2 & #1 December 25, 2015

#2  Someone unexpectedly me a gift, and I said,

“Fuck, why’d you do that for?”


Nice people, you know who you are. You spontaneously do nice things that take us, the not-so-nicers, completely  by surprise.

I just got  a very nice candy bar. It’s organic chocolate with fruit embedded in it. What makes the  situation worse is that the giver actually wrapped it  up. It just wasn’t Hey, I heard you would be hanging out, and I thought I’d pick up something at the 7-11 for you kinda gift.

It messes up my Christmas giving algorithm.

So, my new policy is that I’ll have an extra gift on hand. This backup present will be on deck just in case a nice person pulls this kind off crap on me in the future.


#1 Jesus, that guy gets screwed over every year.


Not my meme. Totally jealous. I should have thought of that joke. 🙁
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  • Michael

    We always have a half-dozen cheap gifts ready to go for emergencies. This year it was 3-packs of fererro rocher because they were cheap. That way we at least have something to give in return.

    • A good, and tasty, plan.

      • Michael

        everyone loves Fererro Rochers.

        Except atheists, those hateful, grumpy weirdoes. Which is why the company is working on perfecting its newest product, Bébé Croquante, the only gourmet chocolate made with the finest juicy chunks of fetal organs harvested from Planned Parenthood, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds, whipped into a fondue, and lovingly garnished with lark’s vomit.

  • Had3

    Where does one find inorganic chocolate?

  • Had3

    3 licks? No, wait, that’s a tootsie pop.