2016 Returned Unexpectedly And Murdered Those Meddling Kids

2016 Returned Unexpectedly And Murdered Those Meddling Kids January 1, 2017

Scooby Doo

In the early hours of the new year, 2016 rose up from the grave and slaughtered the Scooby-Doo Gang. Like some serial killer from an 80s slasher movie, 2016 waited until everyone was celebrating its death and then made its deadly move.

Shaggy Rogers had fallen on hard times in the years after the success of the Scooby-Doo Show. To no one’s surprise, the actor struggled with drug addiction even while he was on the program. Once the show ended Mr. Shaggy’s life was a never ending cycle of late night trips to Taco Bell and rehab. 2016 caught up with him in the West Hollywood Taco Bell drive thru and ended the star’s life via Volcano Nachos.

Fred Jones found that he was addicted to the limelight. When the show ended, he was just another has-been on the Comic Con circuit. After trying to make a life for himself, Fred discovered he had a talent for homosexual erotica. 2016 ended Freddie’s career by strangling the porn actor via his own signature ascot.

Velma Dinkley was never suited to being a big star and earned a Ph.D. in astrophysics. She used her star power for good and pushed a science show for kids named Evolution is NOT Just a Theory! Velma suspected she may be on 2016’s and went into hiding in the least scientific place possible, Ken Ham’s Ark Encounter. However, 2016  would not be deterred, and Velma’s body was found in the Creation Museum riding a Protoceratops like a pony.

Daphne Blake was a working actress. She found respect among her peers by starring in various independent movies like My Feelings Have Feelings, That Isn’t Funny And Now You’re Hitler, and the now classic Pretty Girls Don’t Have To Swallow. 2016 found Ms. Blake rehearsing her lines for an upcoming role. She died in agony as 2016 read her that screenplay he has been working on.

Scooby-Doo has been dead for years. 2016’s only regret is he didn’t kill that Great Dane.

2016 overlooked Scrappy-Doo proving that there is indeed no God, or if there is one He is a jerk.

 


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