The shadow of the End Times is upon us all. Israel exists as a country. Monster hurricanes ravish innocent trailer parks. Will & Grace is returning to television. It’s only a matter of time before God calls his own home. And even though those left behind deserve all of the heavenly tortures in store for them, Jesus doesn’t want dirty sinners to have to clean up Christian feces.
Because war, famine, and disease are one thing. Poo is another story altogether.
Nathan Bedford Forrest is eighty-years-old and a Baptist minister. In his half-century service to God, Reverend Forrest is well aware of man’s limitations and God’s grace. That’s why this anointed servant of the Lord chooses Rapture Ready Diapers.
Here is his testimonial:
Jesus is returning like a thief in the night. Jesus wants me body and soul. What he doesn’t want is my colon full of crap. That’s why I wear Rapture Ready Diapers. Whoever has to pick up my clothes after the ascension will be happy that all my bodily waste is packaged up in the sanitary undergarment.
Rapture Ready Diapers come in all denominations. Congregational, Methodist, and Presbyterian are just a few of the available choices. No one wants to be caught with their pants down by wearing the theologically improper undergarment.
Rapture Ready Diapers also fulfills biblical prophecy. Our wise Lord saw our needs.
Harken to the wise words of Jesus.
And when these things begin to come to pass, then look up, lift up your heads, and poop in the comfortable convenience of affordable divine protection; for your redemption draws near. -Luke 21:28
Rapture Ready Diapers are made in the USA. Not only are they all American, but they are made by real Americans, too. Each worker in the factory sign a pledge to God, Country, and to abolish transgender bathrooms. Each shipment receives a special anointing by Reverend Andrew Canard.
Reverend Canard praises the value of this heavenly product:
Not only am I the Annointer in Chief of Rapture Ready, but I am also a customer. I am ready when the Spirit of the Lord comes to bring me home, and I am ready when the Spirit of Widow Madison’s five-star chili seizes my lower gastrointestinal tract. Praise be to Jesus!
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 . Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
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