Deer Seminal Fluid Makes A Big Splash In Texas Campaigns

Deer Seminal Fluid Makes A Big Splash In Texas Campaigns March 7, 2018
This deer isn’t even a registered voter.

 

A friend of mine sent me this story Talk about big bucks: Deer semen donations are fueling South Texas campaign. 

This is not a fake story from what I’ve been able to discern.

AUSTIN — Donations of deer semen, one of Texas deer breeders’ most precious commodities, account for more than half of the contributions to a South Texan’s state House campaign.

I had no idea there were deer breeders. When I was living in Whitman, MA a deer strayed into our yard, and the gate latched behind it. It didn’t end well for the deer. It suffered a medical event (stroke?) and animal control had to take the body away.

So what I’m saying is I always thought deer were renewable resources like sunlight? Who needs to breed sunlight?

Is this a digression?

I think it is. Back to the story.

Ana Lisa Garza, a Starr County district court judge, is challenging Rio Grande City Democrat Ryan Guillen for the District 31 seat he’s held for eight terms.

According to her last campaign finance report, Garza received $36,500 in monetary donations and $51,000 in in-kind donations, which are usually in the form of campaign advertising, polls or food and venue space for events.

In Garza’s case, the contributions were listed as individual donations of deer semen straws from deer breeders.

Deer semen straws?

*does a quick Google search*

Loik what I found! This is from the Whitetail Deer of Texas site.

Semen available! If you are looking to improve the genetics of your deer, and if you are interested in width and typical mainframes…we have the semen you need and it is reasonably priced!

For AI purposes, our conventional semen straws can be split three ways depending on the advice offered by your AI specialist. Our semen prices range in price from $300 to $1,500 per straw, based on the buck selected.

Apparently deer semen comes (sorry for the pun) in straws. And it’s hella expensive.

Let’s get back to campaigns financed by deer ejaculate.

Uvalde deer breeder Fred Gonzalez said the donors’ straws went into a semen tank to be sold as one lot at a Texas Deer Association event last month and donated to her campaign.

Gonzalez, the treasurer of the Texas Deer Association, donated one straw to the lot. He said the deer breeding community often donates straws instead of money, although not usually directly to a political campaign.

“Semen is a very common way for us to donate,” he said. “One collection on a buck could lead to 60 straws sometimes. If you have a desirable animal, it’s a way to bring value without breaking the bank.”

As you can guess there’s big political money involved deer spermatozoa.

The Texas Deer Association’s political action committee has received $976,025 in deer semen donations between 2006 and 2016. It has given $885,695 to campaigns and interest groups in the same span. According to expenditure reports between 2006 and 2016, the PAC has never given in-kind donations in the form of deer semen. Though the straws donated to Garza were sold at a Texas Deer Association event, the organization’s political action committee did not contribute to her campaign.

OK, it’s not at the level of NRA tells politicians AR-15s are more important than children money. However, it may leave a bitter taste in some voters’ mouths.

 


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Me!!Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 . Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

 


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