Pennsylvania Teachers Get Baseball Bats For Defense

Pennsylvania Teachers Get Baseball Bats For Defense April 12, 2018
Penssylvania, what happened to you?


I’m sorry to report this is a true story. I saw it yesterday and hoped against hope it was fake news.

It isn’t.

The New York Times Tells the tale of a story that can only be described as,well, American. Let’s take a gander at Teachers Get Baseball Bats to Confront Shooters in Pennsylvania District:

A school district in Erie, Pa., has supplied teachers and other school employees with miniature baseball bats to use as a last resort if confronted with an active shooter.

“We don’t want to be sitting ducks,” William Hall, superintendent of the Millcreek Township School District, said on Wednesday. “We’re not just going to go hide.”

Would it be too snarky to say the state should defend the populace with good gun control laws and a healthy social safety net?

I know. That’s sounds awfully NPR. (I was told my stand-up act was awfully NPR a while back.)

And the thing is, they are wee little baseball bats.  But there is a reason behind giving teachers wee baseball bats:

The 18-inch wood bats are also meant to be “symbolic,” he said, to remind people that the old policy of simply turning off the lights, shutting the door and hiding, is not enough. Now, he says, one option is fighting back.

So, the bats are symbolic? Kinda like thoughts and prayers? If there were to be a double blind test to see the efficacy of thoughts and prayers vs wee baseball bats, my money is on the baseball bats.

But I digress.

At first I assumed the bats were donated to the school. That assumption was, of course, incorrect.

The 600 bats each cost $3, Mr. Hall said, and are akin to a ballpark souvenir.

I suppose if companies can profit off of America’s ill planned oil wars, why can’t makers of wee bats  make a little something off of our gun fetish?

It just gets worse, Disbelievers. I’m rubbing my head in disbelief.

They are no match, of course, for a gunman toting a semiautomatic weapon.

Even so, Mr. Hall said, “I think a bat could disarm a pistol with a nice swing.”

I can imagine teachers attending a training seminar on nice swings.

You should read the rest of the article. It’s brimming over with crazy.

Giv Pennsylvania some credit. It is taking the lead with some crazy ideas in dealing with gun violence in school. There’s another school district arming classrooms with buckets of rocks.


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Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 . Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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