Jon Standard – What Would Jesus Do Wednesday

Jon Standard – What Would Jesus Do Wednesday May 30, 2018

Here is comedian Nathan Timmel’s weekly What Would Jesus Do Wednesday rant!


Family Values.

That two-word phrase is important to politicians. I mean, how could you ever argue against either word?

Break them down.

• Family. An idea. Unity. Love. Caring. Bond.
• Values. It can be a noun or a verb. It denotes worth. Ideals. Importance. Something beneficial.

Now combine them again. Family Values.


It just makes you want to hug someone, put your hand over your heart, and (or) salute the ‘Merican flag.

Family Values is what many politicians run on, because you can’t argue against it in a campaign. You just can’t. You want to try and run an anti-family, anti-values race for office? Good luck. It’s better to tell people you love the family, just like Jon Standard did in 2012 when running for the Utah house of Representatives.

He won, too.

Jon told people what they wanted… no, needed to hear.

He was an advocate for the nuclear family. He was for traditional marriage, and anti-woman.

More importantly, Jon was against prostitution.

While in office, Jon voted to strengthen the laws against prostitution. I mean, it’s an awful crime when a guy who just needs a squib job, meets a girl who just needs forty bucks.

So, yeah.

Jon voted to increase the penalties for soliciting sex. But like all good followers of Christ, he knew that the most important verse in the bible is “Do as I say, not as I do.”

(I can’t find the exact chapter and verse for that, but I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere in the back.)

Well, Jon knew that though he voted to punish men seeking the pleasure of a paid woman, Jesus himself actually hung out with prostitutes.

Well, not one to argue with Jesus, Jon knew the only way to truly be like Christ is to ask himself, “What would Jesus do?” And thus, Jon decided he should hang with prostitutes. Or, in the least, one prostitute. A couple times.

On the taxpayer dime.

Sadly, Utah is a Mormon state, and they follow Christ in their own way. Jon was shamed, and had to resign his office. Thankfully, he didn’t resign because of the whole prostitute misunderstanding, he did because of “personal and family concerns.” Meaning nothing to do with prostitution.

Fortunately, Utah won’t allow such a problem to happen again. No, they’ve figured out a way to have nasty, horrible prostitutes from tricking good, clean men into their clutches: the buddy system. Male politicians have been instructed to walk in twos, so they can more-easily elude the siren song a prostitute might sing at them.

Well done, Utah.

I guess the moral of the story is: if you’re going to spend time with prostitutes like Jesus did, don’t run for the piddly office of Utah legislator.

Run for president. 


Comedian and author Nathan Timmel writes WWJDW (What Would Jesus Do Wednesdays) here on Laughing in Disbelief. His books include  Are You There, Xenu? It’s Me, Nathan and  Hey Buddy…: Dubious Advice From Dad

You can find Nathan on his site and @NathanTimmel on Twitter. 

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!

What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment