Mike Pence Gives Out Licenses To Discriminate

Mike Pence Gives Out Licenses To Discriminate June 8, 2018


Washington DC – Vice President Mike Pence is now in a position to give out licenses to discriminate. The Vice President is heading the new Department of Religious Convictions (DRC). The DRC is being formed on the heels of the recent Supreme Court decision on the Masterpiece Cakeshop case where a religious baker refused to provide services to a gay couple.

Supporters of Vice President Pence and the DRC point out the new licenses to discriminate aren’t being given out arbitrarily. Applicants must complete a daunting amount of paperwork including, but not limited to:

  • A letter from his or her minister stating how their God dislikes any of the following groups: Blacks, Hispanics, mixed race couples, people who are left handed, Satanists, fig trees, Jews, Catholics, Protestants, Ninja Turtles, Muslims, and the cast of Saturday Night Live.
  • A five-page questionnaire documenting the applicant’s dedication to logical fallacies and FOX News.
  • A psychiatric physical that tests the applicant’s dedication to faith-based bigotry. Does the person in question genuinely have firmly held feelings and convictions or are they merely a fair weather hater?

Once issued, the license to discriminate will allow the holder to withhold services from any and all persons belonging to the DRC approved group. For example, a religious baker may legally refuse to bake a wedding cake for homosexuals if said baker has been approved by the government to do so. However, if that same baker wants to discriminate against mixed-race couples, then he or she needs to make sure their license covers that demographic.

Republicans are pointing out God may move a person’s heart to hate a whole new group of people they never despised before. There could be a Catholic surgeon who won’t operate on Jews because they did kill Christ. Over time that same surgeon may develop a hatred for the Lutheran Church because they did break Christendom into a million little pieces. In that case, such individuals will be fast-tracked by the DRC to get their licenses to discriminate updated.

Currently, only conservative Christians are capable of obtaining a license. The White House assures that someday they may allow members of other American religious groups to have a license to discriminate.


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