President Trump Blames California Wildfires On Global Warming

President Trump Blames California Wildfires On Global Warming November 17, 2018

Washington DC – President Trump did an abrupt face at a press conference on Saturday blaming California’s Camp Fire on global warming. A stunned crowd of reporters listened as President Trump demonstrated a remarkable grasp on the science of climate change:

Over the past century, California has warmed by about three degrees Fahrenheit. That extra-warmed air sucks water out of plants and soils, leaving the trees, shrubs, and rolling grasslands of the state dry and primed to burn.

He added he just finished reading a book on climate change. Those who deny the Earth is getting “warmier” due to man pumping greenhouse gasses into the atmosphere are “crazy” and “need their heads examined.”

The comments came as President Trump plans to travel to California and offer support to Governor Jerry Brown and the people of the Golden State. The Camp Fire has destroyed over 140,000 acres and destroyed the town of Paradise. Currently there are more than 1,000 people missing.

During the question and answer period a reporter queried the commander-in-chief on his change of heart. Reporter Andrew Canard of the Flat Earth Gazette asked this penetrating question:

Didn’t you say in 2016, and I quote, ‘Well, first of all, I’m not a believer in global warming. And I’m not a believer in man-made global warming. It could be warming, and it’s going to start to cool at some point. And you know, in the early, in the 1920s, people talked about global cooling. I don’t know if you know that or not. They thought the Earth was cooling. Now, it’s global warming. And actually, we’ve had times where the weather wasn’t working out, so they changed it to extreme weather, and they have all different names, you know, so that it fits the bill. But the problem we have, and if you look at our energy costs, and all of the things that we’re doing to solve a problem that I don’t think in any major fashion exists. I mean, Obama thinks it’s the number one problem of the world today. And I think it’s very low on the list.’?

President Trump shrugged his shoulders and said, “Can’t I be wrong about something and change my mind? I think you need a cookie. Sarah Huckabee, give this man a double chocolate chunk and a glass of milk.”

A confused Washington press corps sat stunned. No one knows who started clapping, but soon the room was full of applause. Applause for the hope that the federal government will try to fight man-made climate change. Applause for the future. There were some who weren’t clapping. The FOX News correspondent fainted and had to be rushed to the hospital.

After Mr. Canard got his milk and double chunk and the applause died down President Trump stood a later straighter. For the first time he seemed presidential.

”You suckers will believe anything. I just refitted Airforce One to burn God given American coal. The EPA and Obama are causing wildfires. I’ll see you losers later,” he laughed and left the stage.

Reporters sat there in stunned silence. In retrospect, they knew it was all too good to be true.

 

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Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017  Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

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