Evangelicals Behaving Badly
The American evangelicals were visiting the Rúsínan í Pylsuendanum (The raisin at the end of the hot dog) Shopping Center. Icelanders present saw the entire incident unfold. “One minute they were eating abnormal amounts at the food court. And then they were shouting Merry Christmas to nearby shoppers,” one anonymous man stated. “Things went downhill after that.”
The police report tells a story of a group of evangelicals who believed their religious rights weren’t respected when Icelanders didn’t say Merry Christmas back in English. The official document does state Icelanders were polite. Some smiled and waved. Others said Merry Christmas back in their native tongue. However, that wasn’t good enough for the American evangelicals. “We’re Americans, and we demand to be spoken to in English while traveling in foreign countries. The idea these ice people don’t know English is a sin!” one zealot screamed at police.
A police officer present did not do himself any favors when he informed the incensed Christian practically everyone in Iceland knows English. A riot erupted with evangelicals wearing MAGA hats screaming “Make America great again!” and “USA! USA! USA!”
The twenty-two evangelicals rampaged through the shopping center and shouted FOX News slogans like “An attack on Christmas is an attack on Christians!”
Police arriving at the scene were able to verbally de-escalate the warriors for Christ with promises of hot cocoa. The evangelicals were also promised they’d have all the time necessary to preach in lockup.
“They’re basically good people who got involved with the wrong crowd,” reported one officer. “Some time in rehabilitation will do them good.”
The White House is not taking this assault on religious liberty lightly. Relations between the two NATO members have been getting significantly icier since Iceland put warning labels on all Bibles and declared Christianity a health hazard.“We’re going to fight for Americans no matter where they are,” stated President Trump. “If we don’t, then the Mexican-Islamists win.”
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 . Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.