Donald Trump Jr Turns Immigrant Detention Centers Into Zoos

Donald Trump Jr Turns Immigrant Detention Centers Into Zoos January 10, 2019


Donald Trump Jr. attempted to support his father’s idea of a border wall by saying “You know why you can enjoy a day at the zoo? Because walls work.” Many Americans are disgusted by the idea of President Trump’s eldest son comparing the US-Mexico border as a zoo and implying Mexicans are animals. What isn’t widely known, however, is that Donald Trump Jr is offering zoo-like tours of immigrant detention centers.

”It’s amazing how popular our tours are,” stated Vice President of MAGA Tours Andrew Canard. “Trump supporters are lining up to see children in cages separated from their families.”

Mr. Canard continued to say how MAGA Tours do not have the same problems many zoos have. For example, their visitors never need to be told not to feed the animals. If anything, GOP tourists need to be reminded not to take the food out of the hands of small children. “It’s very tempting because the kids have very small hands and weak from hunger,” one anonymous Trump supporter and MAGA Tours customer admitted.

Democrats state they are taking the problem seriously. They now control the House of Representatives, and vow to form a blue ribbon commission to look into the problem. If there is any wrongdoing discovered House leadership state they will “write one heck of an opinion piece in the New York Times.”

Federal employees at the detention centers report they don’t mind the extra work involved with herding tourists. Since they’re not getting paid during the government shutdown, most consider it a simple case of insult on top of injury.

Business analysts are united in thinking this is one business the Trump clan can’t drive into the ground. One expert stated, “The American taxpayer funds the detention centers. They only way for MAGA Tours to go under is to destroy the US economy. And that’s impossible, right?”


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*I wrote this while singing the classic tune Proud to be an American.

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