President Trump Attacks Arugula As ’Mexican Spicy Lettuce’

President Trump Attacks Arugula As ’Mexican Spicy Lettuce’ January 20, 2019


Washington DC – President Trump took to Twitter and attacked the leafy green vegetable arugula. President Trump labeled arugula as ‘spicy lettuce’ and an example of how ‘Mexicans ruin everything.’

Arugula (Eruca sativa) is native to the Mediterranean region. One White House intern attempted to inform the commander-in-chief of that fact. President Trump was having none of it. Insiders report Trump stated, “You are a Obama plant. He liked spicy lettuce. Are you spicy lettuce in disguise? You’re fired!”

Arugula farmers are between a rock and a hard place. Many support President Trump’s anti-immigrant and pro-destruction of the Republic policies. What can they do? Say nothing and silently allow Trump to defame the crop that allows them to put food on the table? Say something and be labeled soft on immigration by friends and neighbors?

The Arugula Association of Systematic Synchrony (AASS) is putting together a marketing team to send out a positive message. Andrew Canard is the President of AASS. “We need to target rednecks. We are going to make this plant as American as Austrian designed Glock handguns and made in China MAGA hats,” he stated.

What many White House observers are wondering is how a leaf of arugula ever got near Trump in the first place. After all, his diet is based on McDonald’s and schadenfreude. White House security suspect a worker in a McDonalds decided to have some fun and lace a burger with the peppery plant.

To prevent another arugula incident, President Trump is having an official food checker examine all of his meals.

White House sources state Trump is preparing to attack another gastrointestinal enemy of the American people,  brown mustard.


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