President Trump Boasts ‘I Work For The NRA AND Russia’

President Trump Boasts ‘I Work For The NRA AND Russia’ January 15, 2019

 

Washington DC – President Trump recently dodged the question Have you ever worked for Russia? on FOX News. Wanting to clarify who he actually works for, President Trump went to Twitter to tell Americans what they already knew — Donald Trump doesn’t work for them.

People of America you work for only the best. And that’s me. Ask anyone and I’m the best boss. We all have bosses. Here are the people I work for: the NRA, Vlad ‘Big Rus’ Putin, ALL the oil companies, Cancer, Lupus, and Impetigo. #MAGA 

Americans Respond

In a snap poll, 95% reported they are “at least happy he’s telling us the truth this one time.”  Many went on to say they hoped Trump felt comfortable telling the truth more often as long as it isn’t about his big hands and Yeti pubes.

Evangelicals are standing by President Trump. In fact, American fundamentalists are ecstatic the president is triggering secular liberals. “It makes sense when you think about it,” said one Jesus-centered Trump supporter, “God’s plan includes school shootings and impetigo’s crusty, pussy sores. President Trump is just working for the LORD.”

The Satanic Temple (TST) made a public announcement stating the obvious — President Trump does not work for Satan. President Trump regularly breaks the 7 Tenets of The Satanic Temple, and wouldn’t be allowed to join the organization even if he wanted to.

The Future

Due to President Trump’s tweet, tensions are rising between the White House and Saudi Arabia. “We give this guy money and whores,” stated one Saudi insider, “and the House of Saud gets no love. It’s disrespectful.”

President Trump is planning to smooth things over by tweeting his favorite bits from Disney’s Aladdin.

 


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