Spain’s Catholics Steal Statue Of Satan And Vandalize It

Spain’s Catholics Steal Statue Of Satan And Vandalize It January 23, 2019

 

Segovia, Spain – The potbellied statue of the devil taking a selfie stood for two days before irate Catholics stole the piece of artwork and vandalized it.

Created by artist José Canard, the piece refers to a local legend how Lucifer created the local aqueduct. The statue depicts a smiling horned figure in the middle of taking a selfie.

“Only the most idiotic of idiots think the piece of artwork as an insult against Catholicism,” stated an anonymous Segovian politician. “But it appears we have gaggles of them.”

Spanish Satanic Panic

Many area Catholics responded strongly to having the Prince of Darkness depicted in such a happy-go-lucky manner.

But the problem, according to the city’s religious objectors, isn’t that it is a statue of the devil, it’s that the devil in the statue is ‘too jolly’. They’re upset that this devil, which everyone acknowledges is just a harmless nod to a bit of local lore, looks too friendly. This suggests that they’re either doing it to garner some press, or they’re just way too uptight about things that don’t matter.

In retrospect, no one should be surprised what happened to José Canard’s work of art.

Theft

Police were notified late last night the statue had been unlawfully moved. A local man was walking home when he saw several men taking it. When confronted, the men identified themselves as The Sergovian Catholic People’s Front or The Catholic People’s Front of Sergovia or The Popular Sergovian Catholic’s People’s Front. “The man who called us said the vandals were quite confused,” the police chief stated.

The devil appeared several hours later. Regardless of how confused the thieves were concerning their group’s name, they were able to damage the statue. The smiling face of Lucifer was taken off. And in its place was the head of Little Baby Jesus.

”It doesn’t look like Little Baby Jesus,” observed José Canard. “They placed a rather large gourd with a face on it. They taped a sign that reads Baby Jesus is LORD of Sergovia. It seems a bit on the nose to me. You know, obvious when you think about it. There’s no subtlety.”

Catholics are rejoicing the triumph of traditional morals and art everyday people can relate to. One Catholic insider remarked, “We’ve been able to avoid the Catholic clergy sex abuse scandal for another news cycle. And that’s a win for  The Sergovian Catholic’s Popular People’s Front.”

 


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*This Poe is rooted in some truth. The statue in question has not yet been put up in Sergovia due to Catholic resistance.  Yes, some Catholics are legitimately concerned about a happy Satan. The bits about the statue being stolen and vandalized are the satirical parts of this post.

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