Atlanta, Georgia – The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced there is an outbreak of blackface in the state of Virginia. Two prominent state politicians have already fallen to the condition that makes white people express the inherent racism baked into the culture of the United States of America.
Doctor Andrew Canard is heading the CDC task force in charge of managing and eradicating blackface. “You may as well have us try to stop the Sun from rising,” he mused. “Believe me, if there were a vaccine for blackface, then it would already be in the water supply.”
Scientists refuse to identify the recent events in Virginia to be a new rash of blackface. “Blackface never leaves the body politic,” Doctor Canard said. “We can only say there are periods of time when blackface is in remission.”
Virginia Governor Ralph Northam and the state’s attorney general Mark Herring are being monitored for spontaneous blackface. USA Today reports on the men’s history with the uncontrollable urge to be racist:
The interview is Northam’s first since a yearbook photo surfaced, showing one man wearing blackface and another person in Ku Klux Klan robes. At first, Northam apologized and acknowledged he was in the photo but a day later he rescinded his remarks and denied knowing anything about the photo.
However, Northam admitted he wore blackface for a dance contest in the 1980s where he dressed up like Michael Jackson. Since then, his No. 2, Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax was accused by two women of sexual assault and his attorney general, Mark Herring, who is third in line to run the state, admitted he, too, wore blackface.
The CDC reports it doesn’t have the resources to adequately deal with the blackface epidemic and powerful men systematically harassing women.
The organization is placing a travel ban for White people to the state. The risk for contagion is too great.
Even with the travel ban Dr. Canard isn’t sure if the situation is under control. “If President Trump tweets about this matter, we’re going to see #BlackfaceIsMyRight trending on Twitter.”