Trump To Give Himself Nobel Peace Prize Via Emergency Powers

Trump To Give Himself Nobel Peace Prize Via Emergency Powers February 16, 2019


Washington DC – President Trump announced on Friday he is declaring a national emergency to fund his border wall with Mexico. Towards the end of his speech, Trump decided he deserved a Nobel Peace Prize. Trump told the world he is willing to use emergency powers to get one.

The New York Times reported Trump’s plan on where he’s going to find the money to pay for the border wall:

The emergency declaration, according to White House officials, enables the president to divert $3.6 billion from military construction projects to the wall. Mr. Trump will also use more traditional presidential discretion to tap $2.5 billion from counternarcotics programs and $600 million from a Treasury Department asset forfeiture fund.

Combined with $1.375 billion authorized for fencing in the spending package passed on Thursday night, Mr. Trump would have about $8 billion in all for barriers, significantly more than the $5.7 billion he unsuccessfully demanded from Congress.

However, how President Trump plans to give himself a Nobel Peace Prize is up in the air.

White House Chief Of Taradiddles Andrew Canard stated President Trump has a few options. “President Trump is aware the Nobel Peace Prize is awarded by the Norwegian Prize Committee,” Mr. Canard explained. “Our Chief Executive has a way of getting what he wants. President Trump has the Russian intelligence service on his side. I wouldn’t bet against that.”

In the unlikely event President Trump can’t coerce a Nobel Peace Prize from the Norwegians, he plans to use the powers gained from the national emergency on the southern border to grab an award from a previous recipient.

“The President can do whatever he wants,” Canard quipped. “If Gandhi were a baby and had a Nobel Peace Prize, then ICE would deport the kid and take the award away.”

Democratic lawmakers are hoping Trump is overplaying his hand. GOP politicians won’t like funding taken away from their pet projects. But there is a sad recognition no Republican will care if their boss muscles a Peace Prize for himself.

White House insiders reports President Trump already has a spot to put his prize. It’s right next to the award he got for losing all those immigrant children separated from their families. 

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