Researchers analyzing the data and wondering “We needed a study for this?”
A new poll from Taradiddle University shows 76% of self-identifying Christians in the United States of America can’t name all three members of the Trinity.
Professor Andrew Canard headed the research team. “Some people said ‘McDonald’s, Burger King, and Kardashian,’” Doctor Canard explained. “Americans love putting Kardashians everywhere.”
Research assistants contacted 30,091 participants randomly assigned throughout the country. Subjects were asked, “Can you name the 3 entities who make up the Christian Trinity?” Here is a brief summarization of the findings:
- 20% named God. When told God was the name of the nonsensical relationship of the three persons who make up the Godhead, 100% of that 20% repeated “God, God, and God.”
- 18% just put random words together in a lexicon salad. For example, one participant said, “Monkey, Sunny, and Duck.”
- 25% could name one of the Trinity.
- 13% named two members of the Godhead. A vast majority of answers were “God the Father and Jesus.” But they couldn’t identify the Holy Spirit. When researchers informed the participants the correct answer no one believed something from Ghost Hunters is part of the Trinity.
- 24% of self-identifying Christians successfully named all three members of the Christian Godhead.
Religious leaders are shocked how many Americans failed this simple test. “I can’t read the mind of God, “ one anonymous minister said, ‘but how can anyone get into heaven if they think they are praying to a Duck in the sky when we should be praying to God the Father, His Son with great abs, and Slimer?”
Churches of all denominations are looking to offer remedial classes in Christianity. Classes will focus on the Trinity as well as the Four Gospels, The Ten Commandments, and Hypocrisy.