Montgomery, Alabama – Planned Parenthood is under attack by the GOP around the nation. Alabama is creating a new controversy by forcing Planned Parenthood employees to have a red letter ‘A’ on their foreheads.
The law dubbed The Scarlet Letter A Is For Abortionist Statute passed with overwhelming support in the state legislature and signed immediately by Governor Andrew Canard.
“I never read that Yankee book,” he confessed, “I’m sure it wasn’t written with a Sharpie.”
Yes, the law stipulates the letter must be written with a red Sharpie or another brand of magic marker of similar quality.
Republicans are quick to point out the new law isn’t a reflection of the deep seated hatred toward women typically found in evangelical churches. Rather, Planned Parenthood has women and men working for it. Both sexes will need to show up at work with the red letter ‘A.’The law also stipulates if an employee doesn’t follow the letter of the law, then they will be placed in the stockades for the night.
Democrats are fighting back by offering workers paper towels and cleaners designed specifically to get permanent magic marker off of skin. “Yeah, it doesn’t really work,” one anonymous Democrat admitted. “It’s better than sending hopes and prayers though.”
The Trump administration is heralding the Alabama law as a victory for religious freedom. Vice President Pence is planning to visit the state and personally congratulate fellow religious zealots.
Planned Parenthood personnel are taking the new degradation in stride. Many are used to harassment by right-wing Christians. Some pointed out once Alabama inaugurated Throw an Egg at an Abortionist Day something like this was bound to happen.
“I’m just here to do my job and help women,” one anonymous Planned Parenthood employee stated. “It’s just a pity I’m living in the 17th century.”