Boy Sues Parents For Moral Upbringing

Boy Sues Parents For Moral Upbringing March 25, 2019
A baby picture of William Minkowsky. In retrospect, Dad should’ve been reading him Trump: Art of the Deal.

 

Bridgewater, Arkansas – William Minkowsky is only eleven-years-old, but he’s suing his parents. Legal documents reveal they gave him a moral compass in a nation that only punishes truth, compassion, and the ability to do simple math.

Attorney Andrew Canard is handling the lawsuit. He’s passionate about assisting children in need. Over a law career spanning ten years, Mr. Canard helped children divorce their parents for many reasons including social media crimes. “Mothers and fathers don’t understand the power of Instagram,” Canard noted. “Parents commenting on pics are crimes against humanity.”

William Minkowsky’s case is far more severe than Mom commenting on a post with an eggplant emoji. William’s case rests on the simple assertion that a sense of decency has no place in the United States of America.

Many Americans may not agree their country is a collection of psychological disorders where sanity is considered insane. However, Mr. Canard has a laundry list of facts supporting the assertion having a strong sense of ethics is unhealthy:

  • New Zealand bans assault weapons after one mass shooting. America collects mass shootings as if they were Pokémon and have to catch them all.
  • Donald Trump is President Donald Trump.
  • Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh.
  • Wealthy parents bribing college coaches so their bratty kids can attend the right school.
  • The New England Patriots
  • Donald Trump is President Donald Trump (worth mentioning twice).

“Having a strong sense of ethics is a detriment in our society,” Canard stated. “If Jesus were alive today, Texas would crucify him twice.”

William Minkowsky is asking for $10,000,000 in damages. After taxes and lawyer fees he should have enough cash to afford a topnotch tutor in bad behavior. Even if he doesn’t win the lawsuit, insiders believe the middle schooler should land himself his own reality show. Peer reviewed studies show reality shows are a leading cause of toxic idiocy.

Friends of William are hopeful everything will turn out for the best. On anonymous associate stated, ”He’s going to be a lot more popular once he starts treating people like trash.”

 


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