Boston, MA – Boston has officially banned the documentary that tells the story of The Satanic Temple (TST), Hail Satan? If any cinema shows the movie, the owners will face a stiff fine and possible jail time.
Andrew Canard heads the Watch and Ward Society. He’s proud of the group’s long history of keeping the public safe from dangerous and subversive ideas. “Bahston has a lawng and prahd histry of fighting mawrahl tehpritude,” he stated. “Christ, if the Temple got kicked out of Hahvahd a cuple a yearrs ago, what chance do they have in Bahston? Go Sawx!”[Translated from Bostonese to English: Boston has a long and proud history of fighting moral turpitude. Christ, if the Temple got kicked out of Harvard a couple of years ago, what chance do they have in Boston? Go Sox!]
Bostonians are shrugging their collective shoulders at this latest nightmare caused by a bureaucracy mired in Puritanism and the Catholic Church. Locals note how the Boston City Council is trying to limit beer gardens, and the sad fact that while recreational marijuana is legal, no stores have opened within the city limits.”Is this how you run a city? I should be able to buy my mahwhiwhana. Take a smoke at the beeah gahden, and then go see Satan on the big screen. Go Pats! The haters hate us ‘cuz they ain’t us!” one anonymous Bostonian noted.
The filmakers haven’t responded to this bizarre turn of events. However, Magnolia Pictures is celebrating. Being banned in Boston is a badge of honor and guarantees box office success.