President Trump Rants Against Witches, Socialism, And Otters

President Trump Rants Against Witches, Socialism, And Otters March 15, 2019


Washington DC – President Trump went on Twitter today, and ranted about the clear and present dangers no one is talking about — witches, socialism, and sea otters.

Socialism is destroying Venezuela. Witches threaten to wreck ‘God bless America.’ Sea otters want reparations. I am fighting for YOU. America. #MAGA

Trump Unravels

Many political insiders believe Trump is buckling under pressure. Politico reports how Republican lawmakers are taking a stand against the commander-in-chief:

After more than two years of keeping his veto pen capped, Trump is going to have to put it to use — twice — courtesy of Republicans. In a remarkable bit of timing, the Senate will hold two votes this week placing GOP senators at odds with the president on foreign and domestic policy, likely forcing the first vetoes of his presidency.

The issues at hand are Trump’s emergency edict to funnel money into his border wall and the conflict raging in Yemen.

It’s “extraordinary” to see Congress working to claw back power from the executive branch in a matter of days, said Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.), who will vote with Democrats and a handful of Republicans to form a bipartisan majority to try to handcuff Trump on both issues.

“Congress should declare war and Congress should spend the money. I mean, those are two bedrock constitutional principles,” Paul said. “It has nothing to do with the president, it has to do with the Constitution.”

Socialism, Witches, And Sea Otters

White House insiders report President Trump is sensing the American public is getting bored with the typical presidential controversies. “Voters aren’t excited about misogyny or racism anymore,” White House Chief of Taradiddles Andrew Canard pointed out.

Many in Trump’s evangelical base are excited about having a public conversation about witches. Time and time again evangelical leaders screamed into the darkness on how witches poison wells and make Christian men have gay erections.

And sea otters? Those happy mammals who like to frolic in the water? No one knows what the connection is between otters and reparations. However, Trump supporters are already forming anti-otter militias to take on the threat.

”President Trump says we have to get tough with Democrats and otters,” stated MAGA fan Billy ‘Butter Tub’ McKing. “That’s good enough for me.”

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