Trump Budget To Fund Faith-Based Scientific Research

Trump Budget To Fund Faith-Based Scientific Research March 17, 2019
Trump wants the government to search for Jesus.


Washington DC – President Trump’s budget aims to fund billions of taxpayer dollars to evangelical research institutions.

Trump’s 2020 budget proposal cuts most science funding. The Union of Concerned Scientists explain:

The president’s budget also signals his clear antipathy towards action on climate change, with a host of cuts to climate research, adaptation, and even energy efficiency and renewable energy. These include:

  • Completely eliminating the EPA’s Global Climate Change Research Office
  • Cutting the Climate Adaptation Science Center in the Department of the Interior by nearly 50 percent
  • Completely eliminating Advanced Research Projects Agency – Energy (ARPA-E) (energy innovation be damned!)
  • A whopping 70 percent decrease in funding for the Office of Energy Efficiency and Renewable Energy at the Department of Energy. (In contrast, DOE’s Office of Fossil Energy Research & Development would get an additional $6o million.)
  • Elimination of the Department of Agriculture’s Conservation Stewardship Program, which helps farmers adopt sustainable agriculture practices that can help them adapt to a changing climate
  • Elimination of two planned Earth science missions at NASA aimed at understanding climate systems
  • Elimination of the tax credit to decrease the cost of an electric vehicle

Andrew Canard is White House Chief of Taradiddles. He publicly defends the administration’s decision to divert money to faith-based research. “Americans want science they can use in everyday life,” he explained. “They don’t care about pie-in-the-sky research like the mating rituals of platypuses, whether or not you can teach fish to whistle, or energy efficiency.”

What type of research is going to be funded with the new Trump initiative? The Theological Institute Of Technology (TIT) has a short list of proposed studies:

  • Thoughts and Prayers Efficiency School shootings are at epidemic levels in the United States of America. What words will garner the attention of the Almighty? Is the “scrunchy” face televangelists use when publicly praying the best way to beseech the LORD?
  • Witches Vice President Pence’s Department of Anti-Witchcraft (DAW) asked TIT to develop new techniques of ferreting out witches before they commit occult acts of domestic terrorism. Research hopes to stop witches assisting the Devil in his work to elect Bernie Sanders in 2020.
  • Proving God Exists Sure, believers realize they don’t need evidence to know God exists. In fact, if there were hard facts supporting the scriptures, then what would be the use of faith? However, wouldn’t be fun to find the skeleton of Goliath? Or showing those darned Darwinists a thing or two?

Political insiders don’t believe Trump is going to get his wish list. Congress still has the power of the purse. Until the executive branch usurps that authority, Americans will have to deal with witches and unproven thoughts and prayers technology.


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*While Trump’s budget does slash science funding, it’s not trying to fund those faith-based science programs.

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