M.A.D. Bombs A Republican And Evangelical Barbecue

M.A.D. Bombs A Republican And Evangelical Barbecue May 24, 2019

Alexandria, Virginia – The Tenth Annual Republican and Evangelical Barbecue was bombed yesterday by a domestic terror group known as MAD. For fifteen minutes milkshakes rained down on notable Republican lawmakers and Evangelical leaders from the sky.

The assailants utilized chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry milkshakes. Initial reports that stated cherry-vanilla milkshake cluster bombs were used proved to be false.

Investigators believe the assailants utilized catapults to launch the attack. “They camouflaged the artillery. MAD waited until the Evangelicals and GOP were in a prayer circle. That’s when all heck broke loose,” an anonymous source stated.

In a press release, MAD stated they had struck a symbolic blow for the victims of the Trump administration. While this initial attack on the Republican/Evangelical – military complex was spectacular, more acts of resistance are to come. We plan to bully the bullies! MAD exclaimed.

The History Of MAD

MAD (Milkshakes Against Demagogues) claimed responsibility for the assault. Born in the turmoil of Brexit politics, MAD up until now solely operated in Great Britain. CNN reports the dairy-based chaos in the story Right-wing British politicians are having milkshakes thrown over them. Here’s why

It all began with the milkshaking of Tommy Robinson earlier this month. Robinson, real name Stephen-Yaxley-Lennon, is a far-right anti-immigration, anti-Islam activist who used to run the English Defence League.

On May 2, a Twitter user posted a video of Danyaal Mahmud throwing a milkshake over Robinson.

In an interview with the Guardian newspaper, Mahmud says that Robinson approached him, and “asked me if I thought he was racist and I said: yeah. Then he says: ‘do you know 80% of grooming gangs are Muslim?”
At the end of the video, an onlooker can be heard shouting at Robinson “that’s what you get for being a fascist,” to what sound like cheers.
Other victims of milkshaking include Nigel Farage and European candidate Carl Benjamin. CNN states Mr. Benjamin was milkshaked four times in a week.
Professor Andrew Canard of the Theological Institute of Technology (TIT) studies the history of dairy-based assaults on would-be despotic politicians. “Carl Benjamin is the perfect target of milkshaking,” he stated. “There is a positive correlation between how full of crap someone is and how much cow-juice abuse they’re going to suffer.”

The Future Of MAD

With barbecue season just getting into full swing, no one knows if any outing of fascists will be safe. The GOP is urging members not to visit milkshake friendly venues. Evangelical-fascists are arming themselves with Dr. Pepper.

Experts all agree things will get worse as the 2020 elections draw nearer.

 


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IMAG0248_1Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog no one reads, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote a book no one reads,  Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers. There are rumors his stand-up is funny. When he isn’t shouting at the darkness on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook he is showing his kids how not to behave. Oh, he’s reading through the Bible and talking to interesting people on YouTube

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