New Study Shows Atheists Just Want To Sin

New Study Shows Atheists Just Want To Sin May 22, 2019
Richard Dawkins has that accent because he hates God, research shows.

A new study by Evangelical researchers shows that atheists just want to sin. Not only do the godless want to sin, but they hate God, too. Atheists knowingly refuse the grace of God due to their love of online porn, supporting a healthy social safety net, and putting their families above the Almighty.

Professor Andrew Canard of the Theological Institute of Technology (TIT) was in charge of the research team. Professor Canard has a long history studying atheists and the damnation they bring upon themselves and others. Studies of his include Atheists Block God’s Blessings, Jordan Peterson Fans Are Mentally Ill, and The Brain’s Antichrist Center Discovered.

The scholarly paper Atheists Just Want To Sin was recently published in the Journal of Evangelical Science. Professor Canard’s team studied 1 self-identified atheist. His name is Jim. “To the untrained eye Jim looks like a wholesome member of society,” Professor Canard noted. “But he is up to his Adam’s apple in sin.”

After a two hour interview with Jim, the data spoke for itself.

  • At no point did he say gay marriage was evil.
  • When questioned if he loved God more than his Mum, he said a resounding “No.”
  • When given the chance use an early ballot and vote for Donald Trump for President in 2020 he said, “This is a joke, right?”
  • Concerning online porn he quipped, “There are two sorts of people in the world. Those who use online porn and those who lie about using online porn.”
  • When asked if he hated God, Jim stated, “I hate God as much as I hate Thanos.”

Professor Canard hopes the new research shows the true toxic nature of atheism. Friends and family of atheists are urged to tell them they are praying for them. Over and over and over and over again.


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IMAG0248_1Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog no one reads, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote a book no one reads,  Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers. There are rumors his stand-up is funny. When he isn’t shouting at the darkness on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook he is showing his kids how not to behave. Oh, he’s reading through the Bible and talking to interesting people on YouTube

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