Kamala Harris Sends Evangelicals To The Hospital

Kamala Harris Sends Evangelicals To The Hospital June 28, 2019

California Senator Kamala Harris’ strong showing in the second Democratic Debate sent thousands of white evangelical men to emergency rooms.  White conservative men flooded medical centers due to the candidate’s unapologetic and uppity genitalia.

”What’s worse than an Obama in the White House? A lady Obama,” one victim cried out.

Medical professionals haven’t seen this amount of first degree burns to white privilege since NFL players took knees for the national anthem. White evangelical men clogged up emergency rooms then, and they did so last night. Doctors report they wasted time talking about “her emails” and “industrialized slavery as a gift to Africa”  while legitimate patients waited.

”Every single one of them said they hated her, and two minutes later wondered if she was single,” one anonymous doctor shrugged. “It was the same thing for Michelle Obama.”

FOX News commentators were quick to point out the existential threat African-American uppity lady parts (AAULP) pose to the American way of life:

  • I bet her vagina uses the metric system. – Tucker Carlson
  • What black magic did Kamala Harris’ lady parts do to my man junk? I couldn’t make sweet love to my wife without thinking of Mr. T. – Sean Hannity
  • I got fired from FOX News. Harris must’ve had something to do with it. – Bill O’Reilly

Public health professionals are warning white evangelical men NOT to watch the next Democratic debate.

One anonymous public health professional confessed, “If Tulsi Gabbard actually says anything next time, well, I think we’re in for some real problems.”

 


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Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog no one reads, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote a book no one reads,  Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers. There are rumors his stand-up is funny. When he isn’t shouting at the darkness on Twitter, Instagram, and  

 

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