Creationist Ken Ham is blaming atheists for the scientific method and the end of the golden age of Christianity known as the Dark Ages.
Mr. Ham called a press conference. Reporters and other interested parties gathered in the Great Hall of the Creation Museum to listen to what he had to say.
Here is an excerpt from his speech:
Recently there have been rumors about the money pit I built with the help of public funds otherwise known as the Ark Encounter. This devourer of cash in the shape of Noah’s Ark should be a beacon to all of those who ask, “If evolution were true, then why are there still monkeys?” Instead, it’s a little toy boat whirling around the drain in your nephew’s bathtub after he urinated in it.
And the reason is clear — a culture polluted by reason and the scientific method.
The scientific method was born from the minds of godless atheists. Science seeks to sever the ties between man and God. Science doesn’t need God.
Let me say this, Hell is full of lab coats and beakers.
Mr. Ham went on to say he’s working for the day where faith is ascendant over science. A scientific Dark Age will bring in the golden age of Christianity.
Many atheist organizations released statements stating Ken Ham should hold more press conferences. Now that the NBA finals are over there isn’t much to watch on TV. Ken Ham’s well thought out psychotic breaks are always a pleasant diversion.
President Trump Steps In
On hearing about the Ark Encounter’s problems, President Trump publicly stated he is going to make the Creation Museum an official part of the Smithsonian. If the Creation Museum becomes a part the organization, then it will be totally funded by taxpayer dollars.Professor Andrew Canard runs the Smithsonian. “I have two years before retirement,” he said. “The President could say the Flat Earth Museum is now part of the Smithsonian, and I’d be OK with it.”
Insiders at Answers in Genesis are celebrating. Some believe the Museum of Witchcraft and Satanism will soon get federal funding.
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog no one reads, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote a book no one reads, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers. There are rumors his stand-up is funny. When he isn’t shouting at the darkness on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook he is showing his kids how not to behave. Oh, he’s reading through the Bible and talking to interesting people on YouTube.