Richard Dawkins Strikes Pedestrian With His Car

Richard Dawkins Strikes Pedestrian With His Car June 24, 2019


London, England – Famed biologist, author, and atheist Richard Dawkins struck a pedestrian with his car at approximately 7 am local time. The incident occurred on a sleepy side street in one of London’s quieter neighborhoods.

Professor Dawkins reportedly was driving his Aston Martin DB11 when a well known criminal and mass murderer was in the crosswalk. Seeing it was his chance to do the right thing, the author of The God Delusion pressed on the gas pedal and catapulted the vehicle into the villain. “It was satisfying,” he told police. “This fellow is nothing but bad news.”

The police report states Professor Dawkins ran his car over the body several times to ensure the job was done properly.

Much to the chagrin of atheists everywhere, the victim who goes by the name Allah is in hospital and expected to make a quick recovery.

“Christians shouldn’t be so cheeky about Allah, the deity of Islamic faith, getting run over a couple of times,” one anonymous police officer said. “I hear he’s the same guy they worship. Allah goes by a bunch of names. The criminal element does that sort of thing.”

Many criminal justice experts who study mass murderers state Allah wasn’t in good health in recent days. A recent report from the BBC The Arab world in seven charts: Are Arabs turning their backs on religion? shows Allah may not be the deity he once was. The following graph shows the trend:

Professor Dawkins wasn’t arrested and shouldn’t face criminal charges. Friends and supporters point out he did everyone a great service. “If you can’t attempt to kill a mass murderer who is on the loose when you have a chance, well, what sort of society is that?” one close associate mused.

A snap poll of area Muslims show that 39% are happy their deity got hit by a car. Of that 39%, none of them feel like it’s a good idea to express their feelings publicly.


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Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog no one reads, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote a book no one reads,  Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers. There are rumors his stand-up is funny. When he isn’t shouting at the darkness on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook he is showing his kids how not to behave. Oh, he’s reading through the Bible and talking to interesting people on YouTube



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