10 Year Old Atheist Explains The Moon Isn’t UnAmerican

10 Year Old Atheist Explains The Moon Isn’t UnAmerican July 16, 2019

Ten-year-old atheist Bobby Thompson recently made the decision to tell his Grandma the Moon is not unAmerican. It’s going to be an uphill battle. You see, Nana watches quite a bit of Fox News.

After Fox News personality Tucker Carlson railed against the metric system, Nana threw out his ruler that featured inches AND millimeters. “The Devil has no place in this house,” she cried. “In this house, we will serve the LORD and His inches and yards.”

Now whenever he visits her, Bobby hides his ruler. He prays to his fictitious god she never searches his backpack for contraband like centimeters or The God Delusion.

And now he’s wading back into drama — Nana style. She must’ve been watching FOX News or perhaps listening to one of her AM radio hapid (hate + stupid = hapid) shows. Regardless, she now thinks the Moon is unAmerican because the upcoming partial lunar eclipse will be seen by most of the planet. However, the astronomical event will not been seen in the United States of America.

“It’s white genocide!” she yelled at the picture of white Jesus in the living room. “Jesus save us all! Bring the Moon back to the orbital path of righteousness.”

During milk and cookies Bobby attempted to show her how lunar eclipses work. He had three balls of varying sizes, and even made up a little song to explain why they wouldn’t be able to see the eclipse.

It didn’t work.

“It’s that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s fault,” Nana sputtered. “She needs to go back to the country she came from.”

“Nana, she was born in The Bronx. New York City is part of the United States of America.”

“Then why isn’t she white?” Nana asked.

There were too many issues for any ten-year-old to handle. Racism. Nana’s lack of a decent education. And the conservative industrial-complex of hapid.

Bobby decided to quit while he was ahead and enjoy the cookies.

 


#MCGA is an uplifting and inclusive message. After all, American, Parmesan, Cheddar, and other cheeses are united in #MCGA When that irritating relative brings out the MAGA swag, show them the true message of freedom — MCGA

 


Did you enjoy this post? How about buying the writer a cup of coffee! 

Or becoming a Patron?


"I think that's just something they tell kids to keep them from exacerbating."

Florida Passes ‘English Only Hold Your ..."
"If you exacerbate something you might make it worse!"

Florida Passes ‘English Only Hold Your ..."
"> "when the only thing you’re doing is using the word exacerbate"When I was younger ..."

Florida Passes ‘English Only Hold Your ..."
"England - Greenland - they're spelled pretty much the same, except the latter has an ..."

‘England Is Going To Be OUR ..."

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!


TRENDING AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment