Trump Names Tim Allen Secretary Of Labor

Trump Names Tim Allen Secretary Of Labor July 14, 2019

Washington DC – President Trump today named comedian and TV star Tim Allen as the new Secretary of Labor. His nomination is expected to pass through the Senate quickly.

Mr. Allen is known for his many roles. He currently plays conservative business owner Mike Baxter on the TV comedy Last Man Standing. Many may know him as Tim “the Toolman” Taylor from the TV series Home Improvement. Kids who have seen the recent incarnation of the Toy Story franchise will recognize his voice as Buzz Lightyear’s.

”I plan to use all of my characters to play the Secretary of Labor,” he stated. “For example, when I explain the evils of federal safety regulations to everyday workers, I plan to use some of my hijinks from Home Improvement. “It’ll be like, ‘Hey guys, the fat cats from Washington want you to use your drills like wrenches.’Hilarity will ensue.”

Other issues Mr. Allen plans to tackle are the evils of the 40-hour work week and the corrosive nature of overtime pay has on the economy. “Did George Washington get paid time and a half for working over 40 hours? NO!” he exclaimed on FOX News.

Many political pundits view this move by President Trump as yet another way to “own the libs.” Professor Andrew Canard of the Theological Institute of Technology (TIT) teaches Advanced Trumpism. Professor Canard claims the more stupid, corrupt, and “-ist” (sexist, mysoginist, etc) Trump is the more his political base loves him. Making Tim Allen Secretary of Labor may just get him the votes to win crucial states like Pennsylvania and Michigan.

Democrats are hard at work to bring their own lunch box, blue collar characters into political life as long as they tow the Wall Street-Democratic Party line.

In related news, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez isn’t expecting to be part of that scheme.


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