Portland, Oregon – A far-right rally was broken up yesterday by a concerned group of parents and grandparents who hadn’t realized their sons had grown up into mouth-breathing idiots.
Approximately one thousand fascist devotees took over downtown Portland to support white power, white pride, and not showering for who knows how long. Some held signs that read Honk if you love Jesus others had Low-fat mayo together IS an abomination.
Police admitted they were in for a rough ride. Many officers were pulled from dangerous details like directing traffic at construction sites on dead end streets.
“We were ready for anything,” said Police Commissioner Andrew Canard. “We hoped we wouldn’t need to break out the yellow tape to cordon off the area. Once the yellow tape gets brought out, all heck can be set loose.”
Thankfully, all heck was not set loose. A few hundred concerned mothers, aunts, grandmothers, fathers, uncles, and grandfathers descended on the alt-right gaggle of man-children.
“I had no idea Brucey was into this sort of thing,” admitted 88-year-old retired teacher Madeline Croman. “I saw on the Facebook he was going to protest America. I called up my friends because some of them may have kids in trouble, too.”
Mrs. Croman’s friends soon realized many of their sons were in the same mess.
Some fathers took the news exceptionally hard. Many wondered where they had gone wrong. Some believed working overtime or taking that third job to help pay the bills was to blame. Others wondered out loud if YouTube and AM Hate Radio helped radicalize their kids into would-be SS officers.
Regardless of the cause, they understood their delinquent children needed to be confronted. It was only a matter of time before they got themselves hurt or hurt others.
The elders had no agreed on plan on how to bring their kids home. Several nanas grabbed earlobes and dragged their adult grandkids away. Those at the scene report many hugs were exchanged between fathers and sons. One journalist present states Mrs. Croman held an impromptu class concerning the history of race in America and how the upper classes divide and rule workers via racial myths and fear-mongering.
Local police breathed a collective sigh of relief.
Stupid’s gravity is strong. Teachers provide the rocket. Buy it here!