5th White House Intern Hospitalized This Week

5th White House Intern Hospitalized This Week September 11, 2019

These interns are going to serve their country by sacrificing their lower gastrointestinal tracts.


Washington DC – It’s been another wild ride for the nation. President Trump says he broke up with National Security Advisor John Bolton. The newly out of work Bolton insists he broke up with Trump. Hidden from the headlines is the sad fact the fifth White House intern fell ill this week and had to be rushed to an area hospital.

Andrew Canard is only twenty-two years old. He has a bright future ahead of him. His parents worked tirelessly to put him through school. It seemed perfect when Andrew landed a position as President Trump’s Official Food Taster.

“The boy has a stomach of iron,” father Phil Canard quipped. “In the 3rd grade, he ate three chili dogs and then spent 2 hours having fun in a bouncy house.”

Medical professionals are keeping mum on what has sent the fifth Official Food Tester to the hospital within a span of 7 days. There are rumors about President Trump’s diet of McDonald’s and soda taxes the gastrointestinal tract of anyone who holds the position. Others whisper something evil is lurking in the Quarter Pounders Trump gobbles down.

”The White House chef isn’t preparing McDonald’s meals,” noted one anonymous source. “Some kid getting paid minimum wage is doing it. There are a lot of opportunities for something funny going on. And when I say funny, I mean poisoning.”

The fact President Trump has many enemies foreign and domestic isn’t a surprise. What is disconcerting is the lack of security around the commander-in-chief’s #4 Extra Value Meal. Thankfully, another intern is waiting in the wings and happy to take the food-based bullet for Trump.

And what of intern Andrew Canard? His parents believe he will be up and around in a few days. Andrew is vowing from his hospital bed he will never touch McDonald’s again.



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