Washington DC – With House Democrats closing in on Trump, the President is blowing into each and every dog whistle at his disposal to silence the whistleblower.
“Trump’s goal is to be so loud no one will pay attention to the charges that he squeezed the President of Ukraine for dirt on Joe Biden,” stated Professor Andrew Canard of Miskatonic University. “Dog whistles may do the trick.”
Racist dog whistles have a long history in the United States of America. Whether a politician is talking about “welfare queens” or “bad hombres,” white voters are sure to drop whatever they’re doing to pay attention to thinly veiled racism.
And President Trump is the master of thinly veiled racism and diversion.
Sources close to Trump are concerned for the President’s health. There are whispers the aging Trump may not have the lung capacity to blow so many dog whistles at once. Others are confident the President can blow forever.
America needs to be tough on crime. Law and order needs to return to the White House. Welfare cheats and the CIA are deep state agents attacking Making America Great Again. I need your help. Build wall!
”Oh, he blows,” Professor Canard said. “He’s going to blow for a looooong time. He’ll have a FOX News show from his jail cell.”
Professor Canard is warning the American public their President will be everywhere asking “Why is black on black crime is such a big thing in Democrat inner cities?” and “What’s wrong with saying some fascists are good people?”
Americans everywhere are buckling up for the next year (actually more than a year at this point and isn’t that a horrible thought?) of presidential campaigning.
Meanwhile, New England Patriots fans are wondering why Tom Brady didn’t pick the Super Bowl halftime performers. After all, can’t the winner of the next Super Bowl do that?