Washington DC – Another scandal was thrown on the pile of scandals otherwise known as the Trump presidency. An anonymous source provided proof President Trump attempted to make a deal with Kurdish fighters in Syria. Kurdish officials refused to allow the building of a Trump tower in the Kurdish occupied areas of that country.
A Deal Gone Bad
“The Kurds are brave fighters trying to carve out an independent country,” stated Professor Andrew Canard of Miskatonic University, “and they don’t want to lose money.”
Documents provided by the secret source shows President Trump talking with high level Kurdish commanders. When Trump attempted to close the deal, Kurdish officials needed to have money up front for building materials, labor, and safety inspectors. The President of the United States balked at the idea of doing a legitimate business deal.
“I’ve taken a look at the transcripts,” Professor Canard quipped. “It looks like a quid quo pro situation. Close to the end of the conversation he threatens them with a ground invasion by the Turkish military.”
Canard pointed out that while the Kurds long for a day when they have an independent country, they aren’t stupid enough to get into a Trump-style deal with the US commander-in-chief.
Republicans Deny Quid Quo Pro
GOP senators were quick to point out there was no quid quo pro between President Trump’s concept of a Trump Caliphate Tower and the Kurds.
Regardless, Republicans refuse to turn on their leader even when the transcription states the President said, “I’m going to have Turkeystan pound you for not quid quoing my pro!”
Meanwhile Fox News personality Sean Hannity says the real tragedy is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s haircut.