Des Moines, Iowa – Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden is trying his hardest to regain front runner position. Recent polls show the former Vice President trailing behind Mayor Pete Buttigieg in The Hawkeye State.
Knowing he needs to win Iowa or New Hampshire, the Biden campaign is trying to connect with voters. Seeing that the previous strategy of simply saying “Remember Obama?” isn’t working, Joe Biden is trying out unconventional tactics. USA Today reports how he is trying to court the Reefer Madness demographic:
Former Vice President Joe Biden said Saturday that more study is needed to determine whether marijuana is “a gateway drug,” making him the only one of the leading Democratic presidential primary candidates to oppose legalization on the federal level.
Biden – who said in 2010, “I still believe it’s a gateway drug,” and “legalization is a mistake” – was asked at a town hall in Las Vegas if his position had changed.
“No, it hasn’t changed,” Biden said. He explained that although he supports allowing states to determine their own marijuana policies, “the truth of the matter is, there has not been nearly enough evidence acquired as to whether or not it’s a gateway drug.”
Seeing how much press that statement earned him, the Biden campaign is setting its sights on another scourge of the modern age – solar power. Many studies show many Americans don’t understand science. And people are afraid of what they don’t understand. What better way to earn votes than to appeal to ignorance?
Joe Biden told a crowd at a campaign rally his concerns about solar power:
When I was growing up, the Sun gave us suntans in the summer and gave us winter off. Now, I hear the Chinese are building solar panels. The Chinese. Do they even care about America’s Sun? Who knows where the Sun goes at nighttime? If we use too much of it, will it ever come back in the morning? We fought a bunch of wars over oil, folks. Solar panels spit on the graves of those who lost their lives for cheap gas.
Professor Andrew Canard teaches Political Science at Miskatonic University. He believes Joe Biden is out to win Trump supporters to his cause. “Most Americans don’t know the operational definition of renewable,” he noted. “Picking renewable energy as a boogeyman is pure genius.”
Professor Canard also mentioned it was only a matter of time before the candidate starts playing Led Zeppelin records backward and telling suburban moms the dangers of subliminal Satanic lyrics.
In related news, Senator Bernie Sanders opened up a gym in Des Moines. Sources state he is training there regularly.