President Trump Tweets ‘Jesus Knows My Tax Returns’

President Trump Tweets ‘Jesus Knows My Tax Returns’ November 15, 2019
My taxes are perfect this, I know. Because the Jesus told me so.

Washington DC – President Trump and his legal team asked the Supreme Court to block demands he reveal his tax returns. This comes during impeachment proceedings in the House of Representatives. A besieged White House isn’t content on playing defense. President Trump went on Twitter today to declare Jesus knows his tax returns, and that should be enough for godless socialist Democrats.

Jesus loves me. He loves my tax returns, big time. Socialism and Democrats hate my perfect taxes and Jesus. Witch hunt! With real witches!

Democrats Respond

Democratic lawmakers are collectively scratching their heads. Representative Andrew Canard from Massachusetts expresses a common concern:

For a moment let’s put aside President Trump’s bad theology on what Jesus may or may not think about his tax returns — although “Render unto Caesar’s the things that are Caesar’s,” comes to mind. The real question is, Does Donald Trump understand what a witch hunt is? Is he saying the Democrats are witches hunting him down? Perhaps he’s saying he and his band of cronies are, in fact, witches?

Evangelical Christians are quick to point out even if President Trump is a witch, he is their witch. Many evangelical Trump supporters believe their pact with the Devil includes the possibility that President Trump is the Antichrist, a witch, or an Antichrist witch.

“He gave us two Supreme Court justices,” one fan stated. “That’s enough for me.”

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