Scotland’s New Anthem Is ‘Haggis Up Brexit’s Arse’

Scotland’s New Anthem Is ‘Haggis Up Brexit’s Arse’ December 13, 2019
A sweeping look of Edinburgh.
Edinburgh says No! to Brexit and Yes! to independent haggis.

Edinburgh, Scotland – The recent general election in the United Kingdom was a solid win for conservatives and Brexit. It looks like the parliament in London will be dominated by Tories. Brexit will continue to shamble forward into an unknowable future.

Scotland And The Election

While many were shocked at the election results, those in Scotland were not. It’s common knowledge that it doesn’t matter how Scotland votes if the electorate in England is set on a course of action.

Professor Andrew MacCanard teaches political science at Edinburgh University. He eloquently summed up how most Scots feel about voting in general elections, “It’s pissing in the wind.”

Even though Scottish voters got steamrolled by Boris Johnson and company on the main stage, the SNP (Scottish National Party) looks like it’s going to get 55 out of 59 seats in the Scottish parliament. And that means trouble for those in England hoping to keep Scotland in the UK.

”Tories keep thinking Scotland is addicted to English money and that’s why they’ll never leave the UK,” Professor MacCanard reflected. “My money is on Scottish stubbornness and its love for pissing on and pissing off the English.”

Haggis Up Brexit’s Arse

True to its manifesto, SNP executed two of its promises. First, to get the ball moving on a referendum for Scottish independence. Second, to make Haggis Up Brexit’s Arse the national anthem.

”We wanted to keep the tune of Flower of Scotland, the previous song,” one anonymous politician said. “We just changed the words.”

Here are the lyrics to the new classic Haggis Up Brexit’s Arse:

O Haggis of Scotland,
When will we dine
Your like again,
That fought and died for,
Your wee bit Hill and Glen,
And stood against them (against who?),
Brexit’s Idiot Army,
And sent them homeward,
With Haggis in arse.

The Haggis are boiled now,
All full of sheep lung
And suet and oats,
O’er dining tables,
Waiting to be held,

An adoloscent looks to the future.
Giving up masturbation because Jesus told him too.

And used against them (against who?),
Brexit’s Idiot Army,
And sent him homeward,
With Haggis in arse.

Those days are past now,
And in the past
they must remain,
But we can still rise now,
And be the nation again,
That stood against them (against who?),
Brexit’s Idiot Army,
And sent them homeward,
With Haggis in arse.

A recent poll shows 91% of Scots approve of the new tune.

In related news, Northern Ireland is dead. Police suspect it was suicide.

 


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