Trump Fans Boycott Onions

Trump Fans Boycott Onions December 16, 2019
One Trump fan asked, “Does French onion soup have onions in it?”

Fans of Donald Trump are in their third day of boycotting onions. Onions, onion rings, and any cuisine that has onions in it are being avoided at all costs. Trump supporters are mucking up grocery store aisles and taking hours to read ingredients of their favorite foods to make sure they don’t consume the dreaded edible bulb.

And why are they doing this?

The Onion That Made Trumpists Cry

Recently the satirical site The Onion named President Donald Trump its Man of the Year for 1938:

Andrew Canard is the chief editor for The Onion. “President Trump earned this. Whether he’s stoking the fires of xenophobia or winning the gold medal in the Decathlon of Corruption, he’s earned being Man of the Year for 1938.

Trump supporters are enraged. Many Republicans see the award as a reference to Adolf Hitler’s rise to power in Germany. Time made the dictator of Nazi Germany its Person of the Year in 1938. Is The Onion saying Donald Trump is Adolf Hitler?

“We don’t make hackey jokes like that,” Mr. Canard quipped. “However, we’re not above manipulating the idiotic and racist elements of our society in doing it.”

Republicans immediately called for a ban of onions.

Onion Farmers Supporting The Boycott

It’s no secret President Trump has wide support in rural America. Everyday people love his straight talk about minorities, women, and Greta Thunberg. Part of his political base are farmers. And some of those farmers are onion farmers.

Many liberal eggheads think onion farmers would rally against the boycott. Not so. Onion farmers are joining the fight against the tyranny of a satirical publication, The Onion.

Here’s what onion growers had to say about the fight against Big Bulb:

  • I believe in God, guns, and small government. If burning my crop of evil vegetables helps out America, well, consider it done. – “Big Guy” I.M. Bassile
  • I’m shipping my crops to the border. Those agents can throw them at all those Mexican wanna be anchor baby mommas. – Johnny “Took the Third Grade Three Times” Walker
  • Do you know who hates onions? Jesus. That’s why I’m switching to growing high fructose corn syrup. – Bill “Scratch Ticket” MacDonald

Liberals and other rational Americans aren’t being affected at this time by the lack of onions. International growers of the bulb are happy to fill the void.

The Economist magazine reports an uptick in bankruptcy filings among small farmers who grow onions. Analysts believe this economic downturn will only harden support for Trump with his fans.

In related news, controversy rages over an atheist father proudly declaring he never told his kids there is an afterlife. 

 


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