Denmark Fights Trump With Its Ministry Of Science

Denmark Fights Trump With Its Ministry Of Science January 12, 2020
Denmark, home of the free and the science literate.
Denmark stands against Trumpism.

Plucky Denmark is sending teams to Republican strongholds to change hearts and minds.

Copenhagen, Denmark – This Nordic country of 5.8 million souls is dedicating itself to fight the monster of our times, the right-wing populism of the President of the United States of America, Donald J. Trump. Realizing Trumpism is a danger to the world, Denmark’s Ministry of Science is taking a leadership role in what many see as a war against aggressive stupidity.

Nordic David Versus Republican Goliath

At first, it seems ridiculous for a country so small as Denmark to try to change public opinion in such a large country like the United States. However, the Minister of Science Andrew Kanard explains the job isn’t as large as it first seems:

The US is a large country. Its population is approximately 327 million. It’s interesting to note we don’t have to change every heart and every mind. Remember, Hillary Clinton won the popular vote in 2016. Most Americans haven’t been brainwashed by FOX News or the oligarchy. We are targeting red states. Our goal is to infiltrate Republican strongholds and destroy them from within with science and kindness.

Science Minister Kanard also points out many red states like Texas are actually on the tip of changing to blue. It may not take too much to push these states into the win column for Democrats in the 2020 Presidential election.

The Danish Weapon Of Choice? Empathy

Denmark is one home to one of the world’s least dysfunctional societies. While the Nordic counties have a reputation for having good schools, excellent healthcare, and a love for secularism, Denmark stands out as a beacon. explains part of the secret to Danish success is teaching kids not to be dicks to each other:

The World Happiness Report from the United Nations conducts a survey since 2012 where 155 countries around the world are ranked according to the happiness of their residents. The Report has ranked Denmark among the happiest countries and the rank has never gone below 3 in the last 7 years. The biggest factor contributing to Denmark’s record is the empathy hour in their schools.

Once a week kids from the ages of six to sixteen sit down with teachers and peers to talk about their problems and feelings.

“We expect the program to psychologically inoculate students against the GOP, the NRA, and the fossil fuel industry,” Science Minister Kanard said. “Sure, it’s a long term plan, but we’re reaching out to adults, too. Once again, we don’t have to turn everyone into Bernie Sanders. We just have to turn a small percentage of voters to achieve major political and societal goals.”

Although Denmark isn’t disclosing how many “empathy professionals” they are sending to the United States, inside sources report tens of thousands of happy Danes will soon descend on states likes Georgia, Texas, and Florida. Not only will the teams teach empathy, but also basic science and math skills.

Many experts believe empathy, math, and science act like antibodies against right-wing propaganda. Perhaps it’s just the strategy needed to truly make America sane again.

In related news, Mississippi adopts single prayer healthcare.

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