It’s Not A Paramilitary; It’s A Paralove-itary

It’s Not A Paramilitary; It’s A Paralove-itary February 18, 2020
Spreading the Good News.

Dear United States Of America,

Hello, this is Andrew King. You may know me from my previous letter to you, An Open Letter to the United States of America In Defense of Georgia’s Fugitive Fetus Act. I’m back with another epistle to warn you of impending doom.

As a concerned citizen writing to other concerned citizens, I am just going to say what’s on all of our minds. One, Ford vs Ferrari was a delight to watch because it has the U S of A beating foreigners. Two, the hysteria around armed white men in masks marching around is just that.

White men with guns are the security blanket America needs right now. Liberals are conducting a war against everything real Americans love. They want to take Jesus’ AR-15s away. Democrats want you to give up your right to declare bankruptcy due to medical bills. And worst of all, Barack Obama and Hillary are forcing the Boy Scouts of America to declare bankruptcy because of all of those supposed child abuse cases.

White men with guns have and always will be the answer.

NPR, that liberal bastion of not FOX News, ran a story deceptively titled ‘Not A Paramilitary.’ Inside A Washington Militia’s Efforts To Go Mainstream. You would think by the name the article it would describe a scrappy unit of concerned men taking their wholesome message out of the woods and into Waffle Houses everywhere. Instead, you get liberal propaganda concerning the leader of Seatle, Washington’s 3 Percent militia, Matt Marshall.

Mr. Marshall is simply a man — a white man — with a plan to help Americans understand his group is one of the good guys:

First, Marshall broke with the national Three Percent and took his group independent. He registered the Washington Three Percent as a nonprofit corporation — a move soon copied by groups in other states. Marshall’s next step was even bolder: He ran for a spot on the Eatonville school board, pledging to represent conservative values. Headlines portrayed him as a danger.

And what happens when Mr.Marshall is successfully doing the LORD’s work? A scandal cooked up from the same lizard people who brought you Mueller Report. They want you to believe Marshall is in bed with a domestic terrorist:

A report commissioned by Washington state lawmakers found that Republican Rep. Matt Shea was linked to three armed standoffs with the government and had advocated “biblical warfare,” even suggesting death was appropriate for those who disobey biblical law. Shea’s own party painted him as a domestic terrorist; he became a pariah at the Statehouse. Still, Shea refuses to resigdrewAn and brags that labeling him an extremist has only boosted his popularity.

Shea doesn’t have many friends left at the Capitol, but he does have a friend in Matt Marshall, as well as the support of several other militias and Patriot factions across the region. Marshall said he has spoken extensively with Shea and is convinced that the claims against him are sensationalized.

And Mr. Marshall gives the best defense any American can have, “It is very much a leaked thing that was used in a political way to make him look bad when he was giving a Bible study. While you read Scripture, it can sound very, very violent. It doesn’t mean he’s saying, ‘We need to go do these things.’ ”

So, America, don’t listen to facts. We never have. We never will.

And remember, masked groups of white men armed to the teeth aren’t paramilitaries. They’re paralove-itaries.

God Bless America!


Andrew King


Canada is my backup country comes in shirts, hoodies, and mugs!


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