Researchers unveiled a blood test that detects whether or not a person has resistance to religion. Soon, everyday people will be able to tell if they and their loved ones carry antibodies which gives them immunity to Islam, Christianity, Hinduism, Judaism, and other non-reality based belief systems.
“Antibodies are our defense system against pathogens,” explained Professor Canard who teaches at the Theological Institute of Technology (TIT) and developed the procedure. “After the body fights off an invader, antibodies are in the blood standing guard against future assaults.”
Professor Canard pointed out people will also find out how many antibodies they carry. Some will have many, and that will mean they have something akin to super immunity. “I’m guessing Richard Dawkins’ antibody concentration is off the charts.”
One subject from the clinical trials believed they were quite immune from religion. However, once they saw how low their antibody score was, they immediately took a few online classes in logic. A few months later, and they are now 99.99% immune to televangelists.
Professor Canard noted some individuals may not have had a full-blown religious infection to have a healthy amount of immunity. For example, someone who was never religious may have the same amount of antibodies in their blood as a person who was once a Baptist and now an atheist. “Genetics and luck play a role,” he remarked.
The Republican funded Texas Astrophrenolgoical Technoinstitute (TAT) strongly disagrees with TIT. “Atheism is caused by sin,” one TAT researcher argued. “The only thing this so-called scientific research does is test for sin,”
The atheist nation of Iceland has ordered hundreds of thousands. They plan to test everyone in their country for religion.
In related news, Dr. Fauci is fired and replaced by Deepak Chopra.