Washington DC – A defiant President Trump put on a face mask today, but it wasn’t one public health officials approve of. Donning the famous mask of movie villain Michael Myers from the Halloween franchise President Trump met with the press. However, the 45th President of the United States stood at the podium in icy silence as reporters asked him questions.
“President Trump, is that mask intended to help prevent the spread of coronavirus?”
“Sir, are you wearing a proper mask underneath the Michael Myers mask?”
“President Trump, do you care to comment on your upcoming meeting with Jamie Lee Curtis?”
The commander-in-chief walked away, and White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany took the stage along with the President’s psychiatrist Dr. Sam Loomis.
Ms. McEnany began, “President Trump thanks you from the bottom of his heart. He wants you to know you has heard your concerns about wearing masks…”
The middle-aged and balding Dr. Loomis pushed her aside and cried, “I met him, fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this man, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes… the devil’s eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that man’s eyes was purely and simply… evil.”
It was at that point Dr. Loomis was dragged off. His last words were, “He’s killed tens of thousands! He’ll kill more before the insanity ends!”
Republican senators are showing their support by purchasing Michael Myers masks and wearing them while on official business.
“It’s patriotic!” Senator Mitch McConnell said. “Now, let’s end the Affordable Care Act!”
In related news, President Trump taught daughter Ivanka how to kiss.