Many Americans Thankful For Fire Tornado

Many Americans Thankful For Fire Tornado August 17, 2020

Many Americans are thankful for the recent spat of fire tornadoes in California. These large spinning whirlwinds of fire are a welcome respite from COVID-19 news and whatever insanity President Donald Trump is cooking up.

“Fire tornadoes? Thank God,” 32-year-old Boston native Andrew Canard said. “I turned on the news expecting to hear Trump killed the post office.”

Yes, Fire Tornados Are Real

It may seem to be the stuff of low budget made for TV movies, but these funnels of fire are real.

The New York Times reports.

The National Weather Service said it was planning to investigate reports of a rare occurrence of fire tornadoes arising on Saturday from a 20,000-acre wildfire in Northern California.

Dawn Johnson, a meteorologist with the service in Reno, Nev., said on Sunday that the agency had received reports of fire tornadoes in an area of Lassen County, Calif., about 25 miles northwest of Reno.

“It’s not like a typical tornado where it happens, everything clears out and you safely go and investigate,” Ms. Johnson said. “In this case, there’s a massive wildfire burning in the same location, so the logistics are a lot more complicated.”

Americans Breathe A Sigh Of Relief

In a snap poll, 89% of Americans aren’t sure if a fiery apocalypse that ends it all quickly is preferable to whatever is going on at this particular moment.

Here are a few comments from those taking the poll

  • I’ve binge-watched all of the shows on my Netflix bucket list.  A death fire from the sky would liven things up.
  • A fire tornado is preferable to lying to my friends about their quarantine-themed podcasts.
  • What’s next? Locusts?

In related news, the Nazi humor awards went swimmingly well.


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