Bibles Can Now Vote In Kentucky

Bibles Can Now Vote In Kentucky September 14, 2020


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Louisville, Kentucky – In the wee hours of the morning, Governor Andrew Canard signed a bill into law allowing every King James Bible in the state the right to vote. The Faith-Based Voting Rights Law takes effect immediately and will be in full force by the next election.

Genesis Of The Faith-Based Voting Rights Law

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The statute is the brainchild of Governor Canard, a lifelong evangelical and Republican. He states Jesus spoke to him through a piece of toast a few months ago. After Jesus demanded every King James Bible vote in Kentucky, the LORD supposedly told the Governor to eat the slightly burnt toast in remembrance of Him.

“I had my very own communion ceremony in the breakfast nook,” Governor Canard stated. “I washed down Jesus’ flesh with a shot of tomato juice.”

The bill was written up and overwhelmingly passed in the legislature. Many state representatives and senators admit they didn’t read what they voting on. They confess as long as it’s faith-based and biblical it’s a no-brainer.

Oh, It’s A No-Brainer

A myriad of secular groups is vowing to fight what’s an obvious breach in the church-state wall. Legal experts expect a federal judge to put a stay on the order and not allow Bibles to vote in November. However, The Satanic Temple (TST), a non-theistic religion, is demanding if the King James Bible can vote, then every Satanic Bible should share that right.

“Look, we can flood the state with Satanic Bibles,” co-founder of TST Lucien Greaves said. “We actually have warehouses full of them because we expected this sort of behavior from evangelical Christians.”

There are rumors Satanists may just disguise their Satanic tomes as Christian Bibles at the polls in order to fight theocratic Christianity.

Some evangelicals are outraged at the Faith-Based Voting Rights Law. Churches are organizing street protests to advocate New International Versions (NIVs) of the Bible the right to vote.

In related news, Ben Carson says it’s OK for President Trump to call him the N-word.

 


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