Nicholas J. Ellingford Shoots His Own Dick In Oregon Supermarket

Nicholas J. Ellingford Shoots His Own Dick In Oregon Supermarket September 23, 2020

We can categorize this true story under I bet he voted for Donald Trump.

The Oregonian reports how a proud patriot somehow shot himself in the groin in a checkout line.

An Oregon man is on the mend after police say he accidentally shot himself in the groin while flaunting a concealed handgun at a Lincoln City supermarket.

The mishap occurred Sunday night when Nicholas J. Ellingford, 29, brandished his Glock 9mm in the checkout line at McKay’s Market on U.S. 101 and tried to show it off to a buddy, according to the Lincoln City Police Department.

Ellingford mistakenly pulled the trigger as he stuffed the piece back into his pants, police said. A bullet tore through the gunslinger’s groin and exited his thigh, just barely missing the man’s femoral artery.

OK, you’re probably saying, “Andy, he may not have shot himself in the penis. Rather, the bullet may have only blown right through his scrotum.”

Fair enough. Maybe it’s a case where I just want to live in a world with Mr. Ellingford shot his penis and his scrotum.

You’re probably wondering how much schadenfreude Mr. Ellingford provide?

I’m glad you asked. Newsweek provides the answer.

No-one else was injured in the incident. However, police said a criminal investigation is ongoing and Ellingford could face charges.

“Ellingford did not have a concealed handgun license and his act was found to be reckless since it placed several people in danger,” Winn [a police sergeant] added.

And it makes you wonder if there is an award for those people who didn’t earn a Darwin Award but came awfully close to it? If there is one, then Nicholas should get one.



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