Republican Scientists Try To Kill Monster They Created

Republican Scientists Try To Kill Monster They Created October 21, 2020


Washington DC – GOP scientists are desperately seeking a way to kill the monster they created. After decades of destroying the United States of America via tax cuts for the rich and a gaggle of fruitless wars, it turns out the shell of a country was ripe for a demagogue.

Republican scientists only now look back and realize they were indeed mad. In their quest for electoral domination, they destroyed vital democratic institutions like public education, the wall between church and state, and most of all a sense of common decency amongst their base. And now it’s biting them in the ass.

President Donald J Trumpenstein is likely to destroy countless Republican senators and representatives in Washington as well as right-wing lickspittles on the state and local levels. It’s gotten so bad the GOP enemy, democracy, is going to win by default due to all the damage the monster is doing.

Professor Andrew Canard teaches Fascist Monsters at Miskatonic University. He’s written such books at Young Trumpenstine and I Bet A Lot Those Republican Pricks Who Made Trumpenstein Are Crying In Their Coffee. Professor Canard believes the monster needs to be destroyed utterly:

There’s a misconception with Republicans and Democrats that if Trumpenstein is voted out of office, then the job is finished. This is a naive and dangerous sentiment. The monster isn’t disappearing any time soon. Like many awful horror movies, the creature is likely to pop up in a variety of sequels like Donald Trump is Running for President in 2024 and Republican Idiots Are Still Destroying Democracy So I’m More Popular Than Ever.

Moderate Democrats are excited about watching Trumpenstein destroy the Republicans who created him. However, these witless Democrats who went along with GOP policies are blissfully ignorant that they too have blood on their hands. Professor Canard predicts that once a competent fascist monster rises from the ashes from the House of Trump everyone will be crying in their coffee.

Except for the monsters, of course.

In related news, a 7-year-old gets hold of his mom’s gun while shopping.


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