Local Man Skips Over 2021

Local Man Skips Over 2021 January 7, 2021

Somerville, MA – Local man Andrew Canard is responding to the unfolding political/biological/economic crisis with jumping over the year 2021 and landing firmly into 2022. “I gave 2021 a chance. It failed,” the fifty-two year old said.

What About All The Hope On New Year’s Eve?

May people hoped the new year would bring in rationality and empathy. After all, how could 2021 be any worse than 2020? Well, 2021 obviously took that as a challenge.

“After a few days of 2021, it was apparent the year leveled up on crazy from the previous one,” Mr Canard said. “I guess that only goes to show you that New Year’s Eve hopes and dreams are a pile of crap.”

Experts agree hopes and dreams untethered to reality do not help at all. In fact, pie-in-sky expectations get in the way of doing the work needed to make the world a less crappy place. Scholars admit they’ve stopped counting how many times the sentence “We are sending the victims our thoughts and prayers” prevented gun regulation after a school shooting.

How Do You Skip Over 2021?

Friends and family of Mr. Canard are concerned. How exactly does a person skip over an entire year?

Mr. Canard is happy to reassure those parties concerned that he has a secret plan to leap frog into 2022. “Will there be alcohol? Will I put myself into a medical coma? All of those things are possible.” He said.

Millions of Americans are following Mr. Canard’s lead. They are expecting that in 2022 things will be settled down. COVID-19 will be under control. The economy will be better, and Donald J Trump will be in prison.

Some forward thinkers are hoping to stay out of the action until Homo sapiens discover a way to travel faster than light. They believe the best way of spending the rest of their lives is to be as far away from idiots as possible.

Mr. Canard admits he wish he had thought of that.

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