When do you decide to initiate a breakup? Do you keep a notebook and keep track of all the problems you’re having with the other person? Perhaps the relationship slowly falls apart over time and one morning you wake up wondering What am I doing here?
This post could’ve been called 10 Reasons To Breakup With God. As many people who are religious will tell you, being a Christian/Muslim/Jew means you are in a relationship with the Almighty. Here are 10 good reasons to leave the faith and become an atheist.
10. God has horrible friends.
Everyone knows that you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. So why would an omnibenevolent, omnipotent, and omniscient being associate Himself with a pack of supervillains (Jihadi, Crusader, and the Pedantic Pedophile Priest)? If Jesus can appear on toast, couldn’t the Almighty write one strongly worded letter to the editor distancing himself from such people?
Silence means complicity.
9. I don’t like what you did to my penis.
I didn’t even know that my penis got assaulted when I was a baby until I got much much older. And why the unwarranted attack? Because God wanted all the world to know that we shared His special covenant without my consent. Just remember when you read about pedophile priests and other men of God just remember they are emulating their deity.
8. I’m sick and tired of having to explain your freaky behavior to my friends and family
God hates homosexuality. It’s in the Old and New Testaments. I’ve spent hours defending your idea that gay sex is wrong because you said it’s wrong. Having to explain acts of Yahweh (earthquakes, tornadoes) as divine retribution for Adam and Steve getting married was never a treat. It made family holidays, hanging out with friends, and attending gay marriage ceremonies weird.
7. You made me feel icky on the inside.
I woke up one day and realized that I didn’t like who I was in our relationship. It felt like you were constantly telling me not to watch porn, not to eat bacon, and vote in a very Iron Agey kind of way. You told me what thoughts to think and if those thoughts strayed I’d be damned forever. You wanted to “live in my heart” but what you really wanted was absolute control.
It was as if I was your slave.
6. Your sense of humor is all messed up.
Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad. – Ecclesiastes 7:3
WTF, man? WTF?
5. I didn’t like how you treated the waiter/waitress.
One of the ways you can tell if someone is a jerk is how he or she treats the waitstaff at a restaurant.
And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall surely be punished.
Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money. – Exodus 21: 20-21
If you’re dating someone who dumps on the waitress, then that’s a sign to get out. Don’t wait for dessert.
4. Dinosaurs were never farm animals, pets, or taxis.
Relationships are hard. Communicating, negotiating, and managing your own issues in a dyad is tough enough. When the other person is delusional about science, it adds another layer of difficulty.
I can’t be with someone who would go to the Creation Museum not to make fun of it and marvel at the science denialism.
3. He doesn’t like my body ink.
Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord. Leviticus 19: 28
True story: I was at a funeral, and a rabbi mentioned he was going to cut off funding for his daughter’s college if she got a tattoo. Why would I want to get into a personal relationship with that guy’s god?
2. He says one thing and does another
He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 1 John 4:8
Now compare that with:
…that troublemakers have arisen among you and have led the people of their town astray, saying, “Let us go and worship other gods” (gods you have not known)… And if it is true and it has been proved that this detestable thing has been done among you, you must certainly put to the sword all who live in that town. You must destroy it completely, both its people and its livestock. Deuteronomy 13: 13-15
1. Once I was on the right medication, His voice in my head disappeared.
Sometimes the right cocktail of antipsychotic medication is all you need to say to yourself, Jesus isn’t telling me there are demons lurking in the Keurig; it’s my dysfunctional brain meats.
And I’ll get personal for a second. I’ve worked with people who have intellectual disabilities and brain trauma for years. The right medication will make you stop thinking you are the God and/or Devil.
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