Rudy Giuliani Is Now A ‘Hair Grow In A Can’ Spokesman

Rudy Giuliani Is Now A ‘Hair Grow In A Can’ Spokesman May 5, 2021


Rudolph William Louis Giuliani has known life’s ups and downs. The 76-year-old was born in Brooklyn and the only child of Helen and Harold Angelo Giuliani. He attended Manhattan College and later earned his law degree at New York University School of Law. He became the US Attorney for the Southern District of New York in 1983 and led the charge against the mafia’s infamous Five Families. In 1993 he won the mayoral race and became the mayor of New York City, During the 9/11 attacks, he gained national fame for his management of the crisis. Since then his star has fallen precipitously. Fearing bankruptcy Rudy Giuliani is now the official spokesperson for Caboki brand hair growing fiber — hair in a can.

Rudy Giuliani Is Facing Fiscal Ruin

Rudy Giuliani became a supporter of then-candidate Donald Trump in 2016. In 2017 the former mayor became part of the Trump cybersecurity team and was discovered in an Apple Store Genius Bar because he locked himself out of his iPhone. In 2018 he joined President Trump’s legal team. After his boss lost the 2020 election, Giuliani spread a variety of conspiracy theories on how the election was stolen. Many of those lies centered on Dominion Voting Systems. He alleged the Venezuelan government helped manipulate the Dominion machines to turn the election in favor of Joe Biden. Dominion is suing him for over one billion dollars.

Knowing that he is guilty as sin, Mr. Guiliani accepted a lucrative offer to become the official spokesperson for Caboki hair products.

Caboki Hair Powder Products

Caboki CEO Andrew Canard personally reached out to Giuliani after watching his hair malfunction at a press conference in November 2020. “It’s clear the man was facing a follicle crisis. He needed help, and Caboki products could turn a personal tragedy like hair die running down his face into a victory,” Andrew Canard said. “It was a natural fit for us. At first, he demurred at the offer but changed his mind once it was clear he’s getting his pants sued off him.”

After watching this video for hair in a can (and cashing a big check), Rudy became a believer.

Caboki announced he’s appearing on billboards, traditional media ads, and will soon be appearing in many YouTube commercials.

In related news, Joel Osteen is planning to stream sermons directly into your brain.

 


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