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Florida Will Teach Students Jesus Is Better Than Thor

Florida Will Teach Students Jesus Is Better Than Thor June 23, 2021


Tallahassee, Florida – Republican Governor Ron DeSantis is leading the charge in the culture wars in the Sunshine State. Fearing for the spiritual well-being of students, the governor signed a bill today ensuring that elementary school students will understand Jesus Christ is better than the Nordic god Thor Odinson.

“Kids are impressionable. It’s common knowledge millions of Christian children turned their backs on Jesus and are now worshipping the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s (MCU) version of Thor. They are reciting lines from Infinity War and not Bible verses,” Governor DeSantis told reporters.

The new law will require the development of a K-12 civics curriculum that, among other things, would include “portraits in Jesus” that tell the biblical history of the Savior. Thor’s weaknesses in the MCU and in the original myths will be highlighted.

Professor Andrew Canard teaches Comparative Mythologies at Florida State University. He believes the Norse god of Thunder will become more popular due to the law. “The Romans tried to outlaw Christianity and how did that work out? Authoritarians are stupid,” he said.

The signing into law of what many Republicans are calling the Thou Shalt Not Thor bill comes just two weeks after Governor DeSantis ratified the Handmaids Act.

In related news, Georgia Republican Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene got lost on her way to the Holocaust Museum.


*This Poe is based on the 10TV.com story Florida students will be taught that communism is evil, DeSantis says.

The new law will require the development of a K-12 civics curriculum that, among other things, would include “portraits in patriotism” that tell the personal stories of civic-mindedness. Among those stories will be “first-person accounts of victims of other nations’ governing philosophies who can compare those philosophies with those of the United States.”


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