Quiz: Is It Jesus Or Mental Illness?

Quiz: Is It Jesus Or Mental Illness? June 11, 2021

Researchers at Miskatonic University developed a new diagnostic tool to help determine whether or not a subject is having a religious experience or expressing symptoms of mental illness. “This simple 10 question quiz will revolutionize how we think about faith and insanity,” stated Professor Andrew Canard.

Here is the exam.

  1. Agree or Disagree Jesus came as a sword (Mathew 10:34). The coronavirus vaccine isn’t a sword. Therefore Marjorie Taylor Greene is right.
  2. True or False I haven’t slept for days because I keep thinking about committing sins against the Holy Spirit. I don’t know what that means and the Bible is dodgy about its definition.
  3. Multiple Choice  1 You’re going to Hell; 2 We are going to Hell; Chewing with my mouth open makes everyone around me wish they were in Hell
  4. True or False Angels tell me I can transform wine. I drink several bottles daily and pee a lot.
  5. Agree or Disagree Everything is true in the Bible — even the parts that contradict the other parts
  6. Multiple Choice There are invisible powers and principalities I am fighting a war against daily; I stand all day at Planned Parenthood and yell Bible verses; I just binge-watched every single episode of the 700 Club
  7. True or False My romantic partner left me because they don’t agree with Jesus and me that spit is lube.
  8. Agree or Disagree The second commandment and the second amendment are the same thing.
  9. Multiple ChoiceI don’t understand words so I quote Tucker Carlson; 2 I don’t understand words so I quote Joel Osteen; I don’t understand words so I mime my prayers to Jesus
  10. True or False God can make a burrito so spicy Jesus can’t eat it.

In related news, a man glues his penis to a Bible to stop masturbating.

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