Martha Stewart, the businesswoman, lifestyle influencer, and ex-convict is reportedly embracing the philosophical concept of nihilism with open arms. Friends state the 79-year-old recently realized that life is inherently meaningless and that’s a good thing.
“The last time we had high tea together she said to me, ‘Andrew, God is dead and we have killed him,'” said longtime friend Andrew Canard. “What a thing to say while nibbling on cucumber sandwiches.”
The news has hit many fans of Stewart’s particularly hard. While some voiced concern for her immortal soul, others worried whether this shift away from Judeo-Christian morals would affect her ability to decorate a Christmas tree.
Seeing a crisis with her brand, the woman who is worth approximately 400 million dollars issued a statement in order to do some damage control.
I’m so excited! It’s summer, and I’m getting ready for Christmas. Yes, even this nihilist can still enjoy friends and family gathering around a crackling fire and enjoying mulled wine!
Only time will tell whether Stewart’s newfound lack of faith will cost her.
In related news, a new drug eradicates atheism.
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